Meeting Queenie
by midnightluck
Summary: Poledancer!Robin goads Stripper!Roy into a dance off. And stuff. Not AU.


__All recognizable characters belong to their respective owners (Cartoon Network).__

__Please be warned: references to boys kissing, and to sex and prostitution, and also many bad words. Read at your own discretion.  
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><p>Robin had long blond hair with a gentle curl. It looked soft, but it wasn't, not really. His lips were full and plump, and surely they weren't that big before? They certainly weren't candy-apple red. His eyes were big and bold and dark, and so very very blue. And if his dress were any shorter, it couldn't be called a dress.<p>

"Hey," Robin said, "You know what shoes would go great with this?"

"Trust me, Robin, no one's looking at your feet," Kaldur said dryly.

Robin waved a hand. "That's not the point. The point is an outfit, and an outfit includes shoes. Wally, you remember those red stilettos? The shiny ones?"

Wally thought about it a second, and his eyes lit up. "You mean Queenie's?"

"Yeah, Queenie's. That's what this outfit needs. Think I could borrow 'em?"

Wally snickered. "If you showed up like that? Anyone would lend you anything, man. Wanna ask for a cup of sugar, while you're at it?"

"Who's Queenie?" Artemis asked, looking between the two boys.

"Let's take the bioship?" Robin scowled and tugged at the hemline. "I'd get arrested for riding my cycle in this dress."

* * *

><p>"Wait, this is Roy's place. Why are we at Roy's? I thought we were going to see Queenie?" Artemis said, confused.<p>

Robin knocked anyways. "Hey, Roy!" he called through the door. "Open up, man!"

Nothing happened, and Robin kept knocking, tapping out a rhythm on the wood. Loud, loud, soft, loud, soft. And again. And again.

The door was ripped open. "What," Roy growled. He was in an oversized shirt and sweatpants, and did not look particularly happy to see them.

"Hi~" Robin said, only his voice was low and smoky, and not at all Robin's voice.

Roy met the not-a-boy wonder's eyes, and sighed. "What do you want, Robin?"

M'gann's eyes got wide. "How did you know it was Robin?"

Roy threw an unbelieving look her way. "Because I heard Robin's voice. And because he favors that wig, though the...dress...is new. And because who else would show up here with the rest of the team?"

Robin smirked and shouldered his way inside. Roy just sighed and stepped aside. "What do you guys want."

"May I use your bathroom?" M'gann asked. Only she blushed while she did it, and Roy knew she basically only wanted to snoop around. But he didn't really have anything to hide, so he pointed down the hall and let her at it. "Again. What are you doing here?"

Robin giggled behind his hand and Wally was too busy smirking to answer, so Artemis took it upon herself. "Robin wanted to borrow shoes from someone named Queenie...?"

Roy turned as red as his name.

"Those red heels, you know?" Robin says in his girl-voice. "With the straps all up the ankles."

"So, who's this Queenie, then?" Artemis really wanted to know, especially if the mere mention of her name could turn Roy that color.

"Yeah, Roy, who's Queenie?" Wally asked, batting his eyelashes and draping himself all over the sofa.

Roy glanced around, but Robin could outsmile a shark, and there was no help to be found. "Uh. Queenie, is uh, um, a...friend. Yeah. A friend of mine."

"You don't sound sure," Kaldur pointed out, taking the recliner and raising an eyebrow.

Artemis eyed him suspiciously. "She isn't...Roy, you're supposed to be setting an example for me, not hiring hookers behind my back!"

"Hiring what?" Superboy wanted to know. There was a moment as everyone exchanged silent _Not it!_s.

"No! Queenie's not—It's not like that!"

Robin shoved Wally out of the way, laying half on Kid Flash, half off the couch. "What's it like, then, Roy?"

"Yeah, Roy, what's it like?" Wally threw in.

Roy got redder and kept his mouth shut. Superboy half-raised his hand. "What's...?"

"Oh," Wally said. "See, a hooker is like—"

"That's okay you don't really need to know but you guys can be leaving now mmkay?" Roy tried to grab Robin, who ducked and rolled, and Wally was gone before Roy even turned his way. "I mean it good bye."

"No," Artemis said, folding her arms over her chest. "If it's not like that, then I want to meet this Queenie. Is she your girlfriend?"

"No! She's not my girlfriend, oh my god, just get out now please."

"No! I want to meet her. Make sure you're treating her right. You guys are using protection, at least, right?"

Wally howled with laugher, and Robin fell against him, clutching his sides. Roy's mouth dropped open, but he seemed to have nothing to say.

And that's when M'gann came floating back into the room, holding something in her hands. "Er, I got lost, a little, so—sorry, but I was wondering, why do you have heels in your closet?"

Robin sat up. "Oh, hey, just the ones I was thinking of. Give 'em here? I wanna try 'em on."

Roy spun on his heel and glared daggers, thankful to have a distraction. "Dude, don't put your nasty feet in my shoes, they cost me—ohshit. Um. I mean."

And there was silence. Robin finished strapping up the left shoe, twisting his ankle to see the side.

"Oh, I get it! It was probably from some undercover mission, right?" M'gann spoke, babbling a little.

Roy flushed. "Er, oh, yeah! That's it. A mission!"

Robin stood up in the heels, and took a few steps. "Hear that?" he said. "That's the sound of no one believing you. And _that_ was the death-rattle of your dignity."

Wally gasped, unable to get enough air into his lungs.

"But it was a mission!" he said, almost pleading. "Robin does all the crossdressing now, but he was twelve! And they needed a teenager! And Ollie volunteered me without even asking and—"

But Megan had gotten curious. She slowly shifted her shape, checking Roy every few seconds as a reference. But she still hadn't got the hang of being a boy yet, and so the breasts were quite obvious. She looked down as herself, frowned, and added the heels.

"White skirt," Robin informed her. "Three layers of ruffles, mid-thigh. Red shirt."

M'gann adjusted her wardrobe appropriately, and added the Speedy hat, too. She glanced up with a shy smile that just looked _odd_ on Roy's face. Then she took a step, and fell over.

After landing in mid-air, she lifted her leg, inspecting the heels. "How do you _walk_ in these?" she wondered.

Artemis made a strangled _argleirrrrrk_ noise, and Kaldur just dropped his head into his hands.

"I don't get it," Superboy said.

"Oh my god, Megan, please don't," Roy said, voice a few pitches higher than normal.

"Holy shit." Artemis apparently found her voice.

Robin snickered, twirling in place. "You think that's something? You should see him _dance_."

"_Holy shit._"

Kaldur just shook his head, sliding lower in his seat. His team were children. All of them.

"What is even going on here?" Superboy demanded. "Someone explain!"

So Kaldur motioned for Superboy to come over, and set about explaining the point of guys dressing as girls, and, Roy hoped, why _superheroes_ sometimes wore _disguises_.

"Can you dance in these?" M'gann wanted to know. "I mean, is it possible?"

"Show us?" Artemis asked, moving to grab onto the back of the couch. She felt a little faint, is all.

Roy just stood in the middle of the room, still red as a red thing. A sunburned red thing.

"Course he won't," Robin said, doing a neat little side-step and kick. "Poor little Roy isn't man enough to be Queenie anymore. Besides, I could outdance him anyways. Here, watch this!" And Robin did...something with his hips, which, with the heels, was, well. Interesting.

"You can't dance for shit," Roy said.

"Them's fightin' words," Robin drawled. "Bet you can't beat me!"

"Bring it!"

"I'll crush you under the heel of my designer stilettos!"

Wally's eyes were going back and forth. "Ooooh," he murmured. "Catfight!"

"You couldn't outdance me in a million years!"

"Ohmigod," Artemis said. "Wally, Wally, hurry, go get us a video camera."

"You're on, bro!"

"And some popcorn," Megan added.

There was a whoosh and Wally was gone. Roy tackled Robin, who wriggled out of it. "Dammit, gimme back my shoes!"

"Sure, I prefer those black sparkly ones anyways." Robin threw a shoe at Roy's face.

Roy caught it easily. "I outgrew those. You want 'em?"

"Hey, thanks, man."

"Sure," Roy said, buckling up the little clasps. "You gotta go dig them out, though."

"Here they are!" Megan said, floating back down the hall. No one had even seen her leave.

She dropped the heels by Robin, who lobbed the other red one at Roy's face.

"...What's going on? I don't understand." Superboy looked at Kaldur, who sighed, and attempted to explain the term 'bro', and how Robin had neatly trapped Roy into dancing.

Meanwhile, Robin opened the bag he'd brought along, pulling out a tube of something. Roy went and got his own case, and the two boys sat on the carpet, peering into little mirrors and deftly manipulating the little wands.

"Here, this foundation's too dark for me." Robin said, dropping a compact over his shoulder.

"Hmm, yeah, okay, thanks. No, hey, that's my mascara!"

"Oh, grow up, dude. It's just mascara. Here, this lip color. Darker is better for you."

"I can do my own colors!"

"No, you really can't. You're not seriously going with that eye shadow? Makes you look washed out."

"You think? The Peach Sparkle, then?"

"Nah, try the Caramel Queen, it's got more undertones."

There was another whoosh, and Wally was back, dropping a bucket of movie theater popcorn between Artemis and M'gann, another on Superboy's lap for him to share with Kaldur, and kept the last for himself. He fiddled with the camera in his hand, making it beep and whir.

"Huh. Okay. Hey, stop it, I was gonna use that!"

"Get your own!"

"That is my own! Stop stealing my shit!"

Artemis cut in, flapping a hand at them. "Girls, girls, you're both pretty. Get with the dancing, already!"

And then the music started, and Roy, well, sauntered wasn't quite the right word, but hips don't normally move that way. And Robin stepped in to meet him, pouting and swaying.

And Robin got in close, before Roy towered over him, trying to intimidate the younger boy with his height. But Robin would have none of that, and moved in quick, darting moves, getting in close and then backing off.

Robin was right. Roy could _dance_. Even in heels.

Superboy spoke, his voice strangled. "What...what are they doing?"

"Having sex standing up. In heels," Artemis said, face as red as Roy's had been. "For the love of God, Wally, tell me you're filming this."

Wally did indeed have the camera pointed in the right direction, but he wasn't really paying attention to that, because Robin had _curves_, and he was pretty much making out with Roy, only without them actually touching.

Kaldur plucked the camera out of Wally's hand and refocused it, zooming in a little, and properly following the action.

And then the song ended, and the pair stopped moving. Robin was breathing heavily, which only served to make his ample bosom heave. Roy folded his arms, and they stared at each, challenge and murder in their eyes.

Kaldur started the applause, but it was soon as thunderous as a crowd of five could manage.

"Oh, just kiss him, already!" Artemis called at them.

Both boys' heads swung around in eerie tandem. They both blinked at her. "How about no," Robin said.

"How about hell no?"

And just because Roy agreed, Robin turned contrary. "Aww, give the poor girls a thrill," he cooed in his sex-kitten voice, letting his chest heave a little more and blinking his eyelashes.

Roy shot him a dirty look. "Do I look gay to you?"

Robin gave him an obvious once over, heels to lip-gloss. "Actually? Incredibly so."

"Hey! You're the one in the dress!"

"Yes, I am. Thanks for noticing. It shows off my legs, see? Don't I have nice legs, girls?"

"Very much so," Artemis said, and M'gann nodded vigorously in agreement. "Kiss! Kiss!"

"S'not like you guys haven't done it before," Wally said, nailing Roy in the head with a piece of popcorn.

"What?" asked Artemis, Superboy and M'gann in unison. Kaldur just groaned and hit the record button again.

"Hey!" Roy objected. "You kissed him, too!"

"And you two did as well. Aren't we the cozy little love triangle?" Robin purred, stalking towards Roy.

"That was a dare," Roy objected. "We were young. And a little drunk. It doesn't count!"

"Oh, shut up and kiss him already!" Artemis hissed, clutching Megan's hand as tightly as Megan held hers.

So Robin did.

* * *

><p>Wally pocketed the fifty dollar bill. "Nice doing business with you!" he smiled, and was gone. Oliver Queen looked at the DVD.<p>

He had no idea what was on it. Wally had assured him money back if he didn't like it, but refused to say anything more than "You've gotta see this," and "oh, my god, Roy."

Ollie put the disc in, stared at the five remotes laying on the table, and poked at the system until the screen showed a slightly shaky shot of a rather voluptuous young woman and his ex-partner. "-Already!" Artemis's voice said.

And then—holy crap, that was the best fifty dollars he ever spent on anything _ever_.

And then the girl spoke, and Heavens above, the girl was Robin. Okay, he had to go back and watch it again, knowing that.

Wow.

And then the door opened, and he jumped badly enough to mash the buttons on the remote. And wasn't that fortunate, because it was Roy who walked in.

"Oh hi Roy how are you today doing good yeah?" Ollie said, jumping up to try to hide the television from view.

Roy looked at his sidelong. "What? Hi, I guess. What's that you're watching?"

"It's nothing I mean just a television show, yeah a show that I watch sometimes, but certainly nothing to do with you. Ahahaha. Heh heh."

Roy stared at him. "Tell you what. I'm just gonna grab my quiver and go. Okay."

Ollie glanced over his shoulder, and then looked at Roy. "Hey. Um. You know that you can...talk to me about anything, right? I mean, if there's something...going on in your life, or whatever. If you need help. Or just someone to listen. I mean, you know I'll always support you, no matter what. You know that, right?"

He'd have liked to say,_ I love you. I always will. No matter what you do or whom you love, no matter what you wear, no matter what happens._ But Roy wouldn't hear it, so he kept it behind his teeth.

Roy blinked. "Of course I knew that," he scoffed, but there was a small touch of pink on his cheeks, and, before he turned to go, he said quietly, "Thanks."

Ollie knew the right answer to that one, at least. He pretended he hadn't heard, and just beamed at Roy's back.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Bruce, did you see Roy's crushing defeat at my hands?" Dick pulled off his mask, and flourished the CD in his hand. "Here, the DVD. Don't worry, I didn't pay for it; just hacked Wally's computer."<p>

Batman made a _hmm_ing noise. "Oh, that? Yeah, it's making the rounds at the Watchtower."

Robin smiled proudly. "What did you think?"

Bruce swiveled the chair around to face him, and Dick suddenly found his toes incredibly interesting.

"Nice moves," Bruce finally said. "Good balance. Realistic breasts. I liked the makeup."

Dick flushed. "Thanks," he said. "I had a good teacher."

Bruce smiled. "And you learned well. Come on, I think Alfred's still got some ice cream upstairs."

Dick bounded up the stairs after Bruce. He crowded the older man, who took quicker steps. Somehow, it turned into a race, and Dick fell panting through the kitchen door first.

His smile was bright as the sun.


End file.
